So why do we as readers love enemies-to-lovers books? Why do we love the storyline where the man treats the girl like crap, and yet our hearts are YEARNING for them to just flip already and love each other? Why do we get so frustrated when they almost kiss — their lips almost graze, their breath can be felt between them, their hands are sweating, and we can almost feel their hearts racing in our own chests? Why do we cheer for the villains, or who we think are the villains?

Do you ever sit back and think to yourself, "if someone did that to me, I would never speak to them again"? And yet here we are, cheering and screaming at book characters we want to be together.

Well, this blog is not about the why. At least not this one. THIS blog is about the books that had me screaming and heart-wrecked for MONTHS after reading — ranked from the mildest suffering all the way up to the one that still haunts me.

Let's get going.

Shield of Sparrows — Devney Perry
Suffer level: low... BUT I'm only on book 2 as of recently.

I was told by all of my friends and the entire book community to pick this one up. Yes, that was a while ago, and no, I did not do it. I just never had the time to start it.

Boy, did I mess up.

This story actually infuriated me in the beginning. And it wasn't that she was being married off with no warning, or that her life was not her own, or that she played this weak, fragile little baby for a while. No, that wasn't it.

THE GUARDIAN.

This man. This monster created such a boil under my skin that I was counting down the pages, begging and praying it would flip and they would fall in love already. The part that really messed with me was that, for once, I honestly could not figure out HOW she would end up with the Guardian, considering she was married. The entire thing did not make sense to me. I was left wondering — and that is hard to do to me. I was honestly thrown for a loop.

Did I absolutely scream with joy when the doors opened up, the birds sang, the sky turned bluer, and it was finally explained to me how things were going to work out in favor of who I wanted together?

Yes. Yes I did.

The ending, though. Thank GOD I was able to open book 2 immediately (thank you, Kindle). Midnight read — and the second that book ended, I didn't have to wait. Win.

Okay, okay. So I did go to bed and opened it back up in the morning. I was tired.

Have I finished book 2? Nope. LIFE.

Honestly, this book is totally worth the read. Just know it's slow. It will make you angry. It will make you ache. It will make you feel the tension. If you loved Fourth Wing, and you love tension-building, slow burn, and a love that stays burned into your brain for weeks after — pick this one up.

Alchemised — SenLinYu
Suffer level: honestly? Still deciding. I'm probably going to get some serious flack for this one.

Helena was an alchemist, and the entire book is built around a war where she loses everything. She's weak, suppressed, forced to be a prisoner — with no memory of how or why it came to be that way. This world runs on words I had to look up (and still have to look up), like "necromancers" and other terms I won't even attempt to type out.

So how is this enemies-to-lovers?

PLOT TWIST TIME.

She has no memory. He has ALL the memories.

The entire story, you're trying to put the puzzle pieces together and figure out what's going on, while the storyline stays dark and twisty. It covers torture, war, loss, and the weight of the world on a couple of people's shoulders. This book is classified as a romance, but honestly? It's anything but.

I'll be honest — I spent a good chunk of this book a little over it. It did not make sense for a long time.

The part I REALLY loved? It's a standalone. It has an ending — a weird ending I wish was different, but an ending. No cliffhangers. I appreciated that this book was HUGE, and at the end, your brain actually knows how it ends. That was nice.

I did love this book. I know it doesn't sound that way. But when you spend that much time reading a book that's basically five books in one, you're going to have some complaints.

And I had to read and support this author, of course — because if you know, you know. YES, this is THAT author. Yes, you have absolutely heard of her. And yes, she's the one with twenty million downloads.

Clear a few days if you read like me — or a week, whatever your reading speed is. Bring snacks. Tell your family you love them and that you'll see them soon.

A Court of Silver Flames (Nesta and Cassian) — Sarah J. Maas
Let me hear you scream: NESSIAN!!!!

Okay. FIRST THING FIRST.

I HATED Nesta. I hated her with a lethal passion. She drove me absolutely mad. She was the most ungrateful braattttt.

Here's what makes this one different from everything else on this list.

Nesta was borderline abusive. I'm sorry, but no amount of "pain" in the real world can excuse the things she did in this series. I don't want to spoil anything, but let's be honest here — every insult, and I'm not talking about just her and Cassian, I'm talking about all the horrible things she said and did to her family — it honestly made me physically sick to my stomach.

And that is exactly why I LOVE HER.

Yep. Did I throw you off there?

She was brutal. She was cold. She was protecting herself. Every single thing she said had spice, hurt, cut — shattered moments — and honestly, I don't think anyone else could write a character so perfectly.

And Cassian stood beside her. Regardless of what she did or said. Because he could handle it. He knew she needed him — and honestly, he needed her too.

Most people who read this series land on one side or the other. You either love her or you hate her. But I really think it depends on your own reflection of who you are as a person.

Before you yell at me — I've found that people who have suffered in life, and I'm talking heartbreak, betrayal, devastating chapters of their own, and came out stronger — those readers tend to love Nesta, because they resonate with her. That's what makes books so amazing. Everyone thinks and feels and carries every story differently. No one book is ever the same book for two readers.

Back to the blog, though. Nesta had her own battles and demons to conquer, and Cassian was her safe place. She was drowning, spiraling, fighting her own internal demise — rage and grief — and Cassian could not be moved.

Enemies to lovers? Absolutely. The fire between them isn't just a slow burn. It's a slow-growing burn. It's not "when will they kiss." It's "how passionate is it going to be when their souls finally collide, and they allow themselves the freedom and acceptance to be together."

Notice I said souls, not bodies. They have no issues there. It's more than that. That's the entire thing about them.

Overall — pick your side. Love Nesta. Hate Nesta. But the relationship they hold is solid.

Throne of Glass — Sarah J. Maas
Suffer level: I read this a few years ago and I still cry.

This one, of course, I will speak about until my dying breath, because it is honestly the BEST series of all time.

Rowan and Aelin — yes, we will start here.

Who makes a reader wait until book THREE before they even meet? Sarah did, that's who.

Here's the thing though — I loved it. I loved that this story was about the adventure, the plot, the twists, the heart-wrenching past with Sam, and all the crap Aelin had to go through to become the badass woman she was. The storyline wasn't about a woman and a man needing to be together for the entire series.

Now, when he finally shows up? He's cold, and mean, and distant, and honestly at this point I was almost desperate for her to find love (after Sam) that I was soooooo ANGRY. I was like, are you kidding me?!

But as I kept reading, it was the little tiny raindrops dropping into the bigger ocean (their love) that made the story so much sweeter.

Elide and Lorcan — ummmm, yes please.

"And so he did."

Do I really need to say more?

I mean, come on. I never wanted anything more in my life than for Elide to have what she deserved.

Only for the gut-wrenching, knife-twisting betrayal at the end... Yeah. Moving on.

Manon and Dorian

OKAY. Let us just breathe a little, please.

They have the most fun relationship, and if you know, you know. They are not toxic in a "seek counseling" way. They are enemies in a way that burns in your soul — you know they shouldn't. Two people who are so lost and shattered, in a world where they were each destined to be one thing, and yet they defied all odds. They figured out they were more than what they'd always been told — and they found that version of themselves inside each other.

And now... I'm going to go off-genre for the last one, because any chance I get to bring awareness to this book, I will take it. Consider this the final boss. It's not even enemies-to-lovers, and it still out-suffered every book on this list.

Under Your Scars — Ariel N. Anderson
Suffer level: lives rent-free, forever, in my head. I tell everyone about it.

This is very different from my typical fantasy reads like Fourth Wing, ACOTAR, etc. — and for good reason.

When I was first told to read this book, I was not super into dark romance, and I was really nervous to try it. But my God, this one will live rent-free in my head for the rest of my life. I can't give you too much information, because it would kill me to ruin a book for someone. But if you get the chance? Read this book.

Enemies-to-Lovers Books, Ranked by How Long They Made Me Suffer

This is not an enemies-to-lovers like the others. This is dark romance. I am talking stalker, read-the-trigger-warnings-in-the-beginning vibes. And I mean that — read them. All of them. Figure out if it's something you can stomach before you start.

The reason this book belongs in this blog is that I found myself torn in this story in almost the same way enemies-to-lovers tears me. I would read parts that made my mouth drop, and I would get SO angry — and then the next moment my heart was shattering, bleeding for them to come together.

And that's where I think the link is. What actually defines "enemies to lovers"? Isn't it stories that shouldn't work? Couples that never should have survived the test of time — like Elide and Lorcan?

All I can say is that when I closed this book, I was absolutely wrecked. I was a mess for weeks, and to this day I have not found another book that has matched my level of emotion and loyalty to a story. You will never see the ending coming. And you will not regret reading it — as long as you check those triggers first.

So there it is. The books that wrecked me, ranked from "this stung" to "I will never recover."

Now tell me yours. Which book made you suffer the longest — and be honest... did you regret a single second of it?

(I already know the answer.)